I'm Not That Girl…Am I?
by RileyAngel
Summary: Eight years in the future, Rachel's life takes a detour down the yellow brick road as she struggles to find her identity.


**I'm Not That Girl…Am I?** Eight years in the future, Rachel's life takes a detour down the yellow brick road as she struggles to find her identity.

**Author's Note**: As always, thanks to Ryan Murphy, who owns "Glee" and all of the characters who inhabit that world. Following please find a silly little story that begged me to be written. Hope you enjoy!

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Rachel Berry felt eerily suspended in time and space, and then suddenly forced by a gravitational pull rapidly downward, as though she had fallen into a deep abyss. There was only darkness. Rachel's head felt extremely heavy, and she blacked out. As she slowly began to regain consciousness, she vaguely saw fuzzy but concerned faces all around her. The first eyes she was able to clearly focus on were an intense hazel. "Noah, what's going on? Where _are _we?" Her eyes drifted upward, and she was startled to see his high school signature Mohawk. "Who's Noah?" he asked. He looked anxiously toward someone whose face that had not yet to come into focus, and stated "Elphie, I think she hit her head; she doesn't know me."

"Elphie?" Rachel pondered. What the…? Why was she suddenly in a performance of "Wicked"?

That show had been closed for months…hadn't it? "Wait a minute, I'm Elphaba," she stated, garnering as much poise as possible under the circumstances. "Ah, Dios Mio! Nessarose, don't you know me?" Rachel turned her head to see a very green Santana Lopez. "Santana, what are you doing here?" Rachel asked. "I thought you were in LA on business." "What's El-Ay, Nessa? It's me, your sister, Elphaba. We're at school…at Shiz." "No…you're Santana Lopez…and _I'm_ Elphaba," Rachel said slowly, for emphasis.

"Boq, please hurry; put her back in her chair, and I'll get her something to drink," Elphaba (or was it Santana?) worriedly requested. Noah…Puck…Boq…whoever… scooped Rachel up in his arms. "Ooh, Noah," she purred as she clung to him and stroked his left bicep. He smirked and said "Chicks love the guns, babe; it's all about the guns," then gingerly placed her in a wheelchair as if she was made of glass. "What is this? Noah, why did you put me in a wheelchair?" Rachel asked, her disquiet mounting. "I don't get it. I'm not sick; I can walk." Rachel attempted to stand up and promptly fell on the ground again. "Holy Shit!" she exclaimed, "I'm Nessarose!"

Puck (Boq, whoever) noticed that she had fallen, lifted her gently, and placed her once again in the chair. Elphaba/Santana returned shortly and handed Rachel a glass of water. "Here, Hobbit, drink this," she instructed. Rachel was by this time thoroughly confused. This was kind of "Wicked"…and kind of high school. The ground was hard and cold and the buildings looked real, not fabricated for the stage. When she looked up, she saw sky, not klieg lights and cables and wires (oh my!). And, in this bizarro version of the universe, she had become Nessarose, _not_ Elphaba. After all, she was Rachel Berry, Broadway's latest darling…wasn't she?…and she stood (well, not at the moment) second to none, _especially_ an old high school nemesis.

Rachel figured that it was best to play along until she could figure out how she had fallen down this particular rabbit hole. "Thank you, San...Elphie." She smiled up at Puck affectionately, and said "Thank you No..Boq." "You're welcome, Nessa," he replied. His attention suddenly shifted, and his expression changed from one of friendship to adoration. "Look, here comes Galinda," he commented, and entering from stage left (or was it right…wait, this isn't a stage…is it?), walked Quinn Fabray in the pinkest ensemble that Rachel had ever seen, followed by an entourage that included Tina Cohen-Chang, Brittany Pierce, and Mercedes Jones, all bedecked in their Ozian finest.

"Hello, all," Quinn announced superciliously, "it is I, Galinda Upland, of the upper Uplands. Hello Elphie, Biq…Man-Hands…" "It's Boq, Galinda," Puck corrected her. "Whatever," she replied in a bored tone. Quinn then asked, "Has anybody seen my fiancée, Prince Fiyero Tiggular? After all," she continued, "you have to be very popular to be dating a prince, and nobody at this school is more popular than I." Rachel thought to herself: _Same old Quinn, still all about being popular. Perfect casting. I wonder who Fiyero is? Mike Chang could "dance through life", but he definitely didn't have straw for brains. Somehow, I don't think he would be compatible with Quinn, even in this 'Twilight Zone' episode_.

Rachel didn't have too long to wait, because stumbling onto the scene was none other than…Finn Hudson. Rachel had to stop herself from laughing out loud. Her old high school boyfriend tethered to Quinn and supposedly "in love" with Santana. Even in this alternate reality, Quinn and Finn were entrenched in an unhappy union, and Finn was going to hook up with Santana. Some things never change…

"Hello, Fiyero," Quinn said, in her usual bored monotone. "Um, hello, Galinda," Finn replied. "Hi, Elphaba," he directed at Santana, flashing her one of his trademark, goofy grins. All things being equal, Santana might be Elphaba, but she was still Santana. "Hey, Gigantor," she replied. "When ya' gonna drop the ice queen and get some lovin' from a real woman?" Nobody appeared shocked by this verbal exchange in the slightest, including Qui…Galinda.

Everybody started talking at once, and Rachel felt herself becoming dizzy. "Noah, help me!" she cried out frantically, but it was too late, and everything went pitch black.

Rachel's eyes slowly began to focus, again, and she realized she was in a room somewhere, still sitting in a wheelchair. She looked down and noticed her silver shoes. She figured that she'd better not try getting out of the chair, considering what had happened…was it moments ago…or years? Puck had entered the room and inquired "Is there anything that you need, Madam Governor?" Rachel winced as she heard the title, and at the remoteness in his voice, and answered quietly, "No, thank you, Boq, nothing at this time." He seemed to vanish from the room, and, just as quickly, Santana appeared, still green as a Granny Smith apple.

"What's up, RuPaul?" she asked Rachel. "I'm fine, Elphaba. How have you been?" "Well, hiding out, mostly," she admitted. "Got me some kickass flying monkeys, though. Had my way with both Fiyero _and_ Glinda, and I'm definitely likin' me some lady kisses these days." _Same old Santana_, Rachel thought; _always playing on both sides of the fence_. "And, by the way," Santana/Elphaba continued snarkily, "that Wizard is nothing but a big ol' douchebag!" "Elphie," Rachel pleaded, "do you think you could help me walk?" "Sure, midget, no problemo," Santana confidently replied.

She pulled out a well worn copy of Fifty Shades of Grey, flipped through the book, and stopped at a page. She read a bit and thoughtfully said, "Hey, this sounds pretty interesting. I'll have to try this later." She closed the book, turned to Rachel, cackled menacingly, and exclaimed "DON'T. STOP. BELIEVEN'. THAT GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN!" She snapped her fingers, the sound of thunder echoed in the room, the lights flashed on and off, and Rachel's shoes were transformed into the famous ruby slippers, circa 1939, bedecked in red sequins and rhinestones. "Great shoes, Man-hands!" Santana complimented. "Remind me to borrow them the next time I go clubbing. OK, girl, stand up; I don't have all day," Santana said impatiently.

Rachel grasped the armrests, pushed herself up with her hands, and was finally able to stand again on her own two feet. Santana/Elphaba, obviously pleased with herself, handed her the book and slyly offered, "Keep this; maybe you'll learn something." She looked around as if she was being followed and said, "Well, I gotta defy gravity. See ya!" and disappeared.

Rachel thought: _My; people come and go so quickly here… wait a minute, haven't I heard that somewhere before?_ As she was pondering, Puck again entered the room. "Look, No...Boq, I can walk!" she happily proclaimed as she walked toward him. "Now we can _really_ be together." Puck looked at Rachel with disdain and said, "Madam Governor, if you are no longer in need of my services, then I will leave to be with Miss Glinda." Rachel, heartbroken, knew all too well what she was supposed to do. She also understood that she would rather have Puck happy, even with a bitch like Quinn, than stuck in a tin body for eternity. "All right, Boq, then go; you are free to follow your heart," she sadly dismissed him.

Puck vanished, and Rachel began to sob hysterically. "Oh, Noah, Noah… why does everybody always choose Quinn? You, Finn…even Santana. I'll always be alone!" she cried out, brokenly. Rachel began gasping for air, and heard a voice in the distance "Honey…Baby…Rachel…c'mon Rach, wake up!"

Rachel opened her eyes to gaze once again into those hazel orbs, but this time, his expression was more bemused than concerned. She looked around the room and recognized her home. "Noah?" she cried out. "Oh, Noah," she pushed herself up from where she had been laying, apparently with her head in his lap, and began peppering his face with kisses. She reached upward and ran her fingers through his short, soft hair that was beginning to curl in want of a haircut. "Woah, Rach, slow down for a minute," he cautioned. "You were thrashing around something fierce, were you having a bad dream?"

"Oh, Noah, you wouldn't believe it. I was back in 'Wicked', but it was sort of McKinley, too, and…I…I was _Nessarose_, and Santana was Elphaba, and…" Puck was laughing heartily, and Rachel stopped abruptly. "And what, may I ask, is so damn funny?" she primly inquired. "Nothing, Babe; just remind me never to pick up Kosher Chinese carryout from that place by the gym. You totally inhaled that order of beef ribs."

"Well, excuse me, _Mr. Puckerman_; I cannot help it that your progeny has turned me into a carnivore. I _knew_ I should stick to tofu but, _oh_ _no_, this one wants meat!" she stated exasperatedly. Puck grinned as he tenderly splayed his right hand over her five-month swollen abdomen. "So, little mama," he said lovingly, "Santana was Elphaba, not you? Who was Glinda?" he asked, and then started to laugh again. "Don't tell me, Quinn, right? That is too fuckin' funny. Didn't you just have lunch with her last week?" "Yes, I did," she affirmed, "she took the train in from Connecticut. What has that got to do with anything?"

"Probably nothing, Babe," he replied. "That play's been over for six months, now. Maybe you're just pissed because you didn't win the Tony." "Well," she said thoughtfully, "I got to play another of my dream roles, so that's important. And, like they always say 'it's an honor just to be nominated'." He kissed her temple and agreed "That's right." "And," she continued, "it's not _my_ fault that Idina Menzel was up for 'Gypsy'; I swear, Noah, _everybody_ who plays 'Mama Rose' wins that damn award." "Whoa, Mrs. P, your language has _definitely_ taken a turn for the profane. I can see that I have been a most excellent influence on you," he teased. "Oh, can it, Obi-Wan," she curtly replied.

"You know," he mused, "she reminds me a little of Shelby." "Yeah, I can see it," she admitted. "I've met her, you know, and she's definitely prettier and _much_ nicer. Actually," she continued, "she told me that she had hoped I'd play 'Louise' once that last actress' contract was up, but then this," she covered his hand with her much smaller one," came along, and I asked my agent not to suggest me." He picked up her hand and kissed it. "I'm very glad, Baby, more than you know," he admitted. He smiled languidly and seductively stated, "Come on; let me show you just how much…" Once Puck was standing, he took her hands in his, and helped steady her once she had risen. They walked, hand in hand into their bedroom, and closed the door.


End file.
